♥ Ku Pilih Hatimu ♥

This is not yet an update on Amirul's labor story. That one, have to wait as I have to re-type due to the lost of data. Ngehehe.

One thing I hate about confinement period is, being apart with mr.husband. Hati asyik meronta-ronta je. Hehe. Time Delisha dulu, cukup 30 hari je husband dah bawak lari gi KL..sebab mase tu PJJ so confinement leave was the only chances we got to stay together. These time around, cukup aje 32 hari je,  my parents sent us back home. :) 

Pantang story.. Payah jugak rupenye bile beranak setahun satu ni (Delisha: 2011, Amirul: 2012). Dari fasa register nak masuk labor room sampaila mase nak discharge ade je yang mengomen. Soalan paling poplar dari nurse dan doktor..Kenapa tak planning? Memang nak anak rapat-rapat ke? Uhuks. Kami suami-isteri berserah pada takdir je. LOL. 

Actually, my HB was quite low = 10.4. So time nak labor tu nurse bagi peringatan ade possibility darah cair, tumpah darah, komplikasi selepas bersalin. Ok. Saye paham nurse. Tapi kalau asyik bebel pasal tu time kite tengah sakit tahan contraction, rase macam tak patut je.. Terus macam demotivated. :(

Hari kedua, discharge dari hospital. Sampai rumah dalam setengah jam, my parents dah datang untuk bawak I balik Batu Pahat. Dalam hati macam tak rela nak dibawak 'pergi'. Apakan daya kuturutkan juaaaa.. My parents excited dapat second cucu.. :)

3-5 days of confinement : Makcik urut datang rumah. Beli bengkung (sebab last year mase pantangkan Delisha I pakai bengkung kejap je). Hmph..rupenye sama jeeee.. tak sempat pakai pun sebab banyak 'halangan'. Hehe. 

Seminggu awal pantang ni agak mencabar dan memenatkan sebab both babies need me. Yang paling cranky adalah Delisha. Sebab ada dua baby, payah jugak nak bahagikan perhatian. Of courselah selalu lebihkan Amirul. Sikit lagi nak jadik raksasa Gorgon sebab Delisha asyik nak korek mate Amirul la..lubang hidungla.. Cekau pipila.. But husband kept remind me: Kesian Delisha.. nampak je macam dah besar. Tapi die baby lagi. So jangan marah-marah.. 

Sometimes  mummy tend to forget. Sorry sayang..

7-8 days of confinement : Delisha warded. Deep down inside I felt terribly sad. Tak boleh nak move banyak sangat but I try to force myself untuk jaga Delisha kat wad. Tak nak menyusahkan orang lain. The first night, meleleh air mata teringat die menangis-nangis sakit. Terkenang jugak all these while she needs me to make her sleep. Delisha sangat jarang tido tanpa mengempeng. Sedih. Sedih. Sedih. Alhamdulillah kembung perut je. Teringat time second day yang Delisha dah sehat semula tu..Yang die dok berlari ke sini ke sana tawaf wad tu.. Allah je yang tahu betapa penat dan sakit nak berjalan ke sana sini ikut die. Siap nak berdukung lagi tu.. Dah langgar pantang paling berat dah tu sebab dukung princess seploh kilo tu. Takpelah, mummy sanggup asalkan awak sihat ye sayang. Time ni baru sedar, bila dah jadi ibu ni, kita dah tak kesahkan ape dah..yang penting anak kite sihat dan gembira.

Pada mulanye, saya tak yakin nak susukan Delisha di hadapan orang sebab pandangan yang selalunya negative. Yelaaaa.. susukan baby kecik nampak macam chomel. Susukan baby besar?? Huhu.. Tapi bila ada orang yang bagi semangat, terus rasa happy.. It's not an easy thing to do. :)

14 days of confinement : Went to KL with husband and Amirul sebab nak amik jubah konvo kat UPM.

Singgah makan blackpepper chicken chop @Tat Nasi Ayam, Wangsamaju

Penat travel jauh-jauh.. jalan pun kepit-kepit. Duduk lama dalam kereta.. pinggang pulak sakit. Bawak baby je.. Delisha tinggalkan dengan my parents. Satu malam without Delisha bolehla.. Kalau lebih dari tu mummy yang menangis dalam tidur. Huhu.. Memula macam tak tau nak order apa sebab feeling-feeling "i'm in confinement mode" but terasa nak makan Western food. So order jelah.. Alhamdulillah Amirul boleh accept susu mummy perisa blackpepper. Hehe.

17 days of confinement and I successfully attended my Master's convocation at UPM. Err..walaupon macam pening-pening lalat je jalan atas pentas.

My 'convo bouquet'.. Amirul Hakeemi

I didn't mean to dig or to poke on my past. Kisah hati yang pernah dilukai. The one before I met my husband. Dah takdir kot convo Master sama-sama. But.. Its beyond amazing to see him again. It's just these weird feelings. After all the years. I didn't and couldn't find the answer. At last, I try to clear my mind and came to final thought: It's the beauty of takdir Allah. Better things are destined to great people, rite? Insyaallah. 

Friends, you know what? I skipped stories on Amirul's birth. But one thing to share. This time around- no epidural, no etanox and no painkiller. Huuu.. rasakan la penangannye. Nak tercabut besi tepi katil rasenye. Rase macam nak gi bersalin kat HKL dan dapat exactly the same treatment macam mase deliver Delisha dulu. Which is, totally impossible. The thought of death, do came into my mind because I think the labor pain is the ultimate pain that I don't think I could endure further. But when the nurses call him when I was about to push, I think I saw an angel came to me and save me from the pain. There, I got the strength and courage to push the baby out. When I heard Amirul is crying, I know it's over. The pain, gone with the wind. And husband kissed my forehead. The love. It is more than words.

But I forgot about one thing.

The pain when the midwives were about to do the stitches. I cried inside because I couldn't stand the pain. Merasela kena jahit hidup-hidup.. I felt numb. I couldn't cry out loud because I was too terrified. Perasaan takut yang amat sangat.. Genggam erat tangan husband. I looked at him. He was staring at the midwives and the stitch-job. Seriously, I didn't want him to see them doing the task. But he waited.   Patiently. Sampai sekarang masih terbayang wajah husband semasa husband tengah dok tenung nurse-nurse tu jahit my V part. Didn't I tell you. I got major stitches because they didn't do episiotomy. So everything pun tear naturally. Huh. 

How could I not love him. Terima kasih Allah for this love. To my husband, I love you endlessly. So I dedicate lagu Ku Pilih Hatimu kat you (terpengaruh dengan drama SaifulNita time pantang haritu).. :)

And these two cuties, mummy love you so much!