And when you rise in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again
And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love
Then you softly leave
And it's me you need to show
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breakin’ us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
I believe in you
You know the door to my barest soul
You're the light in my deepest, darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall
And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
And it's me you need to show
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
'Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breakin’ us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me
Tell me. Tell me. Please tell me.
Husband selalu kate. I degil. I keras hati. I susah nak lafazkan kate maaf. I susah nak lafazkan kate sayang. Kadang-kadang I tak cakap directly. I akan tulis kat blog yang I sayang die. Dulu, husband tatau 'the other side of me'. Then I told him. Read my blog. I mean, my previous blog. That explains why he starts reading my blog. To get to know me deeper. Maybe.
Mase buat preparation kawen, he knows I uruskan sume..but he doesn't know exactly ape yang I buat..so die akan tengok kat blog..Walaupun hanya dengan tanye,
"Berapa banyak honey buat goodies semalam?"
Dia buat I happy all day long.
To me, love was never easy. Walau dengan siapa pun cinta itu kite berikan. Yes, I was so complicated. I sengaje buat macam tu. Mungkin kerana itu, saat ijab dan kabul. Fikiran bagaikan melayang. Rasa bagaikan mimpi. Dan betul ke..semua ni bukan mimpi. Dan I tahu..husband pun rase apa yang I rase. That's why he was so damn nervous mase akad nikah.
Mase buat preparation kawen, he knows I uruskan sume..but he doesn't know exactly ape yang I buat..so die akan tengok kat blog..Walaupun hanya dengan tanye,
"Berapa banyak honey buat goodies semalam?"
Dia buat I happy all day long.
To me, love was never easy. Walau dengan siapa pun cinta itu kite berikan. Yes, I was so complicated. I sengaje buat macam tu. Mungkin kerana itu, saat ijab dan kabul. Fikiran bagaikan melayang. Rasa bagaikan mimpi. Dan betul ke..semua ni bukan mimpi. Dan I tahu..husband pun rase apa yang I rase. That's why he was so damn nervous mase akad nikah.
Sometimes, I sedih. I was so frustrated. Coz I don't know how and what is the best way to show him I loved him so much. Pengalaman dulu buat I prejudis. Truth to be told, I susah nak percaya bile si dia kate die sayangkan saye. Die cintakan saye. Coz I've learnt the most precious lesson. Don't trust anyone, anybody..even the one you love most, or the one who loves you. I kept telling myself to be a bit kejam, so that I won't get hurt. Even dah kawen pun, kadang-kadang that kind of perceptions still there in mind.. I don't know how to get rid of it. Maybe I still need some time. Sometimes bile die kate die sayang, I boleh buat macam that words bagaikan angin lalu.. :(
I just couldnt answer, why we always hurt the one we loved most. Sesungguhnya. Sometimes I act like I don't care. Actually I care. I act like I don't love you that 'damn' much. Actually, i love you that damn much. And you may not think that I care for you. When you know down inside that I really do. Rasenye dalam blog ni I banyak kali sebut..our love-life was so tough. The hardest thing was to deal with our feelings. Both of us. Tiada pihak ketiga. Alhamdulillah.
Life full of drama. Bak kate HARZ, Nad - baca blog dia, macam tengok drama!
After three months being legally husband and wife, LDR was a bit challenging. But we managed to get thru it. To cope with it. The time, the costs, the sadness when it comes to say goodbye..until we meet again. We think we could handle it. At least, I think, I could handle it. But the fact is, sometimes I unintentionally told him I couldn't cope with the situation. Of being alone without him.
These three months..
I barely had sound sleep. Sometimes..in the middle of the nite..I terjaga coz bile dengar bunyi pelik-pelik . Sometimes I had a freaking nightmare..but there's no one to comfort me. I'm so scared. I'm all alone. But then then I sang my own lullaby so that I could get back to sleep again.
These three months..
Every nite I sleep with my car keys in my hand...so that I could just picit alarm kereta in case if something bad happened..in case, bad person broke into our house..Also, with scissors under my pillow. With hammer under the mattress. And, yes. I didn't use our bedroom. I tido kat ruang tamu..coz I think tido sorang dalam bilik lebih menakutkan. I was such a fool. The biggest loser.
These three monts..
Sometimes, pipe kat sinki bocor..I terduduk kejap. Don't know what to do. Yang I tau, amik besen dan tadah yang bocor tu. I was too stupid coz I don't know how to fix it. I'm cursing myself for being so helpless.
These three months..
I hate when I make him worry about my condition. Sorry I didn't mean to.
The three months..
I managed to do many things sorang-sorang..I always told him. I did this. I did that..to make him proud of having me. So that he know..I boleh berdikari. I tried to prove to him I was his superwoman. Ape yang I tak sedar, bile I cerite camtu..die terase yang die tak buat apa-apa..He felt he's useless. Sedey sangat bile dengar die cakap camtu. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to.
Yesterday, he said something that makes me felt so sad, serba-salah..entahla. Macam-macam..eventhough he said I should be happy coz he did that for me.
He said..These three months..he kept thinking why on earth his life was just the same macam mase bujang..He realized he was a married man but life tak macam orang dah kawen..He said..buat air milo, dah letak milo banyak-banyak pun tetap tak sedap. He said..he ate maggi asamlaksa..it was his favorite maggi tapi tak sedap macam yang kami masak dan makan sama-sama.. He said.. the house where he stay rite now ada sofa besar, ade tv lcd saiz raksasa, dikelilingi ramai member..but in the end, he felt empty-hearted. Every morning he woke up with empty feeling.
These three months..
I barely had sound sleep. Sometimes..in the middle of the nite..I terjaga coz bile dengar bunyi pelik-pelik . Sometimes I had a freaking nightmare..but there's no one to comfort me. I'm so scared. I'm all alone. But then then I sang my own lullaby so that I could get back to sleep again.
These three months..
Every nite I sleep with my car keys in my hand...so that I could just picit alarm kereta in case if something bad happened..in case, bad person broke into our house..Also, with scissors under my pillow. With hammer under the mattress. And, yes. I didn't use our bedroom. I tido kat ruang tamu..coz I think tido sorang dalam bilik lebih menakutkan. I was such a fool. The biggest loser.
These three monts..
Sometimes, pipe kat sinki bocor..I terduduk kejap. Don't know what to do. Yang I tau, amik besen dan tadah yang bocor tu. I was too stupid coz I don't know how to fix it. I'm cursing myself for being so helpless.
These three months..
I hate when I make him worry about my condition. Sorry I didn't mean to.
The three months..
I managed to do many things sorang-sorang..I always told him. I did this. I did that..to make him proud of having me. So that he know..I boleh berdikari. I tried to prove to him I was his superwoman. Ape yang I tak sedar, bile I cerite camtu..die terase yang die tak buat apa-apa..He felt he's useless. Sedey sangat bile dengar die cakap camtu. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to.
Yesterday, he said something that makes me felt so sad, serba-salah..entahla. Macam-macam..eventhough he said I should be happy coz he did that for me.
He said..These three months..he kept thinking why on earth his life was just the same macam mase bujang..He realized he was a married man but life tak macam orang dah kawen..He said..buat air milo, dah letak milo banyak-banyak pun tetap tak sedap. He said..he ate maggi asamlaksa..it was his favorite maggi tapi tak sedap macam yang kami masak dan makan sama-sama.. He said.. the house where he stay rite now ada sofa besar, ade tv lcd saiz raksasa, dikelilingi ramai member..but in the end, he felt empty-hearted. Every morning he woke up with empty feeling.
See..small things but makan dalam, occay. The fact is, both of us can't live without each other. Time bercouple dulu bolehla..Tak sama keadaannye bile dah berkawen. :(((
Dear..When you made that decision. Yes, it makes my blood go upstairs. What if, what if, what if..Siape tak bimbang bile seseorang yang kite sayang sanggup memperjudikan kerjaya untuk kite. Sanggup mempertaruhkan masa depan untuk diri yang tak seberapa ni. Some people might gave statements yang buat I goyah. People can say anything. I paling benci kalau orang kate "Jangan bagi Joe buat camtu, zaman sekarang susah nak dapat keje." Stop it, please..You're not helping at all.
Between us, discussions always be done when we were fighting over an issue..then only we came out with a conclusion or decision. You know what, I memang marah coz I thought you're crazy to come out with this decision. I marah..sebab I bimbang sangat-sangat..You did it for me, of course I'll be by your side..You have a solid reason for that.
Now that I know how deep is your love..I hope Allah will gave us the best kerana Dia Maha Mengetahui. I hope Allah will let me spend my lifetime with you so that I could show you how deep is my love. Aminnnn.
P/S; Thanx to my silent readers. Daizura, Syebi, and those who really care when I said husband tengah usaha find jobs in JB in my previous-previous entry. Insyaallah..we still berusaha. :D
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23 comments:
ok. u owe me several tears now.
how i wish i could be so brave & strong like both of you.
tenkiu epi..u're one of the witness of our jatuh bangun..
emmm.. cdey la entri kak yang ni.. but behind those word, nampak kak nad n husband sgt3 tabah :) stay strong kak nad! nati bile2 da dpt dok serumah hari2, mesti rasa meaningful sgt pe yang kak lalui skang ni ;) moge ms cepat berlalu smpai saat tu ^^ amin..
p/s: kasik pos sekor arnab ke sini! arghhh! geram nengok bebulu2 dier~
OMG Nad...i hate this...u make me cry...dulu sblm kawen, i mmg heartless kalo baca bab2 jauh dgn suami..skang, im damn understand u!..this entry mmg wat i sebak..i try to be strong..xnak nangis2 dah..sbb tiap kali i nangis, i akan wat arjuna susah hati..sampaikan dia pun nak tukar keje.. "xpe la keje kerani cabuk pun, asalkan dkt dgn sayang"..ishhkkk!..
tabah la sangat..baru 3 bulan kawen dah tak tahan dok asing-asing..huhu..asma nanti pun kalau kawen harap2 dapatlah dok terus ngn husband..sengsara la dok sorang-sorang ni..:P
Harz..cik penganten baru..mesti u rase ape nad rase..dah puas nanges dah..kesian kat si dia..akhirnye die yang mengalah..orang kate, tempat isteri di sisi suami..in nad punye case, suami pulak yg gi kat isteri..he's quiting his job for me..tolong doakan die dapat keje cepat kat johor nih k.. :(
nad, by looking everywhere it is not easy peasy to live separately after we get married, tak sama mcm dating2 dulu, kisah ape duk jauh2 kan.. tho i tak mengalami semua tu tapi deep down inside i rasa i faham apa yg u, harz rasa.. insya Allah nad, i pun doakan yg baik2 for both of u..
i email u soon for further conversation, hehe (nad u percaya tak i baru bc email u hantar masa december last year, ada few email yg broken, baru dapat recover last week) huuuuuuuu tension betul!!
sy doakan Allah mempermudahkan urusan akak dan suami.
nad..sye doakan husband awk cpt dpt kerja kt jb..sye mgkin tak sekuat awak..tak bole imagine mcamane perasaan kalo hadapi sendiri LDR/PJJ..sedangkan sekarang ni pun saye dok umah sewa sorg2..saya selalu terjaga tengah malam & terperanjat sambil terpk..saye sorang tapi duduk dlm umah yg ada 3 bilik..sgt2 sunyi dan sedih..apepun be strong ok..smg rezeki cpt berpihak pd husband nad..area pasir gudang rasa bnyk job opportunities kan..(eh tapi pasir gudang tu dekat ngan jb ke ek..=p)ok..ok...stop dulu..da melalut..sekian, -dari org johor yang tak pass location kat johor=)-
Nad... baca luahan ati u buat i tergamam jap. Actually me ngan encik usrule tgh mempertimbangkan satu keputusan yang amat pernting.Samada nak amik offer keja baru yang lagi best tapi kitaorg terpaksa PJJ... luahan u sgt membantu and membuka mata i ni..thanks..
Anyway..be strong...ader rezeki..insyaallah x ke mana kan..
cik nadd!! sye tau awak kuat, doa byk2 ek..semoge hidup kamu berdue dipermudahkan..
*tetibe emo bce entry ini..sdey ='( ..mood swings la aku neyh*
sedey juga bc entry u nih...sy juga bakal mengalaminya..hope to be tough enough..just like u..samoga murah rezki sentiasa..amin...=)
insyallh, ade rezeki untuk kamu berdua nanti.
sis!!! luv dat song much!!!
emmm keadaan kita lbih kurg sama..me n my husbnd dh 6month++ PJJ..yup since kahwn..dialog ur hubby pn sama dgn my hubby..dh kahwin tp terasa cam tak kahwin..
sedih kan bla trpaksa brjauhan tp just doa n berusaha utk dpt stay together..
Insyallah Nad. setiap yg berlaku pasti ade hikmahnye. rezeki tak kemana...cuma cepat atau lambat je. Allah tu maha adil.moga Nad and husband tabah hadapi dugaan ini. Insyallah. all d best to both of u.
saya jugak doakan husband kat nad dpt kerja kt johor.. btw saya nie silent reader.. nie baru first time tinggalkan komen
Huda..it's not an easy thing to live separately after we get married. Untunglah kalau pas kawen pun masih dapat dok sama ngn parents or friends. Ade jugak teman..kalau dok sorang macam nad memang sangatlah sengsara.. alone..lonely..bile dok srang2 risau macam2 perkara..lebih-lebih lagi kite perempuan, orang keliling tahu kite dok sorang..sangat bahaya tau..zaman sekarang nih banyak culprit kat luar sane..
and darling, email december last year??? gile hape lame giler dahhhh..email before kawen kan???agagagaga..hampeh punye yahoo. bleh pulak jadik broken mail. nanti sambung further conversation, k..husband still keje kl so really looking forward for your majlis tau. Haha. Tak sabar nak makan nasik minyak Huda-adlie.
Daniera..thanx dear..muahhsss.. :)
Mrs Drac..Really? Samelah kite kan. Thanx sebab doakan..tapi mungkin husband tak jadik dok JB..dapat offer keje yang lagi elok..huhu..menyambunglah edisi hidup sendiri untuk ke sekian kalinye. You duduk rumah 3 bilik sorang-sorang???? Samelahhh..nasib la umah nad setingkat je. So tak bimbang sangat. Tak boleh bayangla kalau umah dua tingkat mesti takot giler. Kalau dah dok kat tgkat atas memang takkan turun bawah lah..hehehe..pasir gudang tu dekat lah jugak ngn jb..tak jauh mane pun..nad pun kire org johor yg tak pass ngn location2 kat jhr nih.. Malu *
MyRule..you tengah preknen kan..it's gonna be a tough decision la sayang. whatever it is..i know both of you pasti dah buat timbang tara ape yang terbaik untuk masa depan you all.Sebenarnye, time nak buat decision nilah yang paling sukar..kejap-kejap rase OK. Kejap-kejap rase tak ok..Nad belum preknen lagi so boleh lah pk ringan2 sket..in your case, kena pk ape yang terbaek untuk baby sekali..nad doakan yang terbaik k..pastu, husband nad punye current job pun macam tak stable sangat..nak ulang alik JB-KL kene pk kan cost tuh sume..habes duit atas jalan je..and weekend pun kdg2 kerja..that's why we came out with this decision..:)
Nana..ko sedey pasal aku tido pegang kunci kete ke.hehe. aku sedih gak. Tapi sebab aku penakot. Tu jelah bende yang aku terpk..sebab aku rase, if anything happen and aku gabra, konfemla aku tak daya nak menjerit. So better kereta aku tolong jeritkan untuk aku. hehe.
Ally..semoga you pun cukup kuat untuk melaluinye..be strong,k
Puan Modus Operandi..thanx for your doa..:P
Farah..lagu lama-lama tuh..so oldies..hehe..kenangan take that..i love them once upon a time :)
rDna..every men yang sayangkan wife nye pasti akan rase macam tu..so kite nih kire golongan yang beruntng..sebab ada jugak husband yang tak kesah, kan..takpela, kite sama-sama doa satu hari nanti dapat hidup bersama..time tuh mesti life akan jadi sangat2 manisss..sebab itulah yg kite nanti-nantikan selama ni..
mrs aisheiteru..thanx..everything happens for a reason..:)
betul2!!sabar je la.and doa semoga semuanya jd seperti yg diharapkan
rasa cam nak nangis ..huhu.. saya dah hampir setahun lebih duduk jauh dgn hubby..sy kat kl..dia kat miri.... Tuhan je tahu apa yg saya rasa... isk isk...
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