♥ How Deep Is My Love? ♥

I love you more than letting you stucked with this fussy-clumsy wicked lady.

I love you more that I want you to be a better man

I love you more that I want you to do things you love

I love you more that I want you to chase your dreams

I love you deeply that I could just hug the bolster tight when I feels like I need someone to hug.

I love you deeply that I could just sniffing your smelly shirts (which you mintak I basuhkan tapi I tak basuh pun sebab takmo bau you hilang) when I feels like missing the smell of you.

I love you deeply that I could just kiss your pix. Any of it. When I miss you terribly -- Ini angau namenye. Dush.


Again, I love you more than letting you stucked with this fussy-clumsy wicked lady for the rest of your life.


Truly. Madly. Deeply. Guess what? LDR is all about missing, missing, and missing. RINDU. And then followed by TEARS.

He's quiting his job for me. Akhirnye die yang mengalah..like he always did in so many things. Initially..I confess I mengamuk macam pempuan giler. I'm a mumsy-type person who wants to take control of everything like what mums out there always did to her kids. How dare you did that for me but without discussing with me first??? Plus, takde back-up keje lain..lainlah kalau dah dapat ape-ape offer kat area jb nih..Nih kire decision berani mati la..sampai I pun rase sesak nafas. Sayang, don't do that again. Then he asked me a question that makes me speechless.

"Would you do the same thing for me?"

It's a BIG NO.

"So you have to appreciate what I'm doing rite now. It's for you."

Then I realized that I had to get back to reality..In our case, the most saddest thing was when he said pliz appreciate and give him my supports..as his Turkish Boss don't agree with his decision and kept saying


"Women will only makes you fall"


Perempuan akan buat awak jatuh??? Sedih, occay. You don't even know me. How could you said those words. Pity your wife and kids kat Turki sane. Macam I jahat sangat. I'll prove to others. No, i'm not. I'll make my man a great person. Tahu tak kamu??? Grrrrrrrrr.

These few days were like misery and dilemma for us. Not sure whether we had made the rite decision or not.. Nowadays..job brings money and without jobs..there will be no money. Newly-wed couple needs to have strong financial base. Yerlah..duit dah banyak habes untuk kawen, kan. Pastu after kawen nak focus tambah keperluan rumah pulak..Suddenly this morning he received a phone call. Guess what?? It's a job offer.. Seriously, dah lama mohon kerja nih. Since sebelum tunang..means around August last year. The interviews..from one stage to another stage. Tough and takes time. Almost empat kali tapisan dalam mase 6 bulan. Minyak masak pun tapis pemeringkatan dua kali je. Agagagaga. Ingatkan dah tak dapat dah. Related to government..so sayang nak tolak..Dalam saat-saat macamni, tiba-tiba Allah kurniakan another rezeki for us. It means something, rite? Alhamdulillah. We see things positively. Berhenti keje sebab mende len tetibe yang lain pulak datang..Ade lah hikmahnye tu, kan :)



With him, I learnt so many things. Learn to be more patient. Learnt to appreciate. Learnt to be more understanding. He'll start working at new place on May. He will be based in KL.. Abang keje kat Bukit Aman, kan? Keje yang pelik, I must say..I'm not sure the nature of the job..what I know he'll join the PDRMtaskforce but not as the police, of course.. :P And for his current job, keje sampai next two weeks saje..after that, he'll spent his time with me for a week..Sekurang-kurangnye merase jugaklah I pergi balik keje ade temporary driver.

I should be happy for him, rite. Eventhough still LDR. Tak pe kot..Memang tengah LDR pun..so the coming LDR won't rotten me..These three months, we had agree that we'll just meet once in two weeks. The costs, the times..I pun kadang-kadang ade kelas during weekends..fully-occupied. So until now..tak sampai seploh weekend pun yang we spent together. Not so many things could be done within those two days. Percayalahhhhh. Kami banyak habeskan masa dengan life masing-masing.. Sebab tulah macam tak percaye je dah lebih 3 bulan kawen. Mood 'penganten baru' macam ade je lagi nih. That's why la sometimes bile tengok married couple yang live a normal life..means duduk serumah, berjumpa tiap hari, tiap hari makan sama..how I wish I could have such life.



That also mean It's OK..I'll still sleep with my car keys in my hand.. Macam pathetic je kan? Like a friend of mine, Ruhaida..I pernah gak letak pisau bawah tilam depan tv tuh. Tetibe husband angkat tilam die pelik lah nape ade pisau. He said it's dangerous. That moment he didn't know the purpose I letak pisau bawah tilam. Just name it. Ape jelah senjata yang takde..Hehe. Ape saje boleh dijadikan senjata ade kat keliling time I tido. Kot-kotla kan... No, I won't kill you while you're sleeping dear. Cinta perlukan pengorbanan, husband had shown me he's willingness to sacrifice, take risks and now it's my turn i guess. :D


I tengah happy sekarang. Tiada mood swing. Insyaallah. Whatever it is.. abang, sorry kalau nanti tetibe I bertukar jadik pempuan emosi. Don't blame me. It's the hormone.


To Mrs Myrule I know you pun dalam dilema sekarang..I hope both of you discuss elok-elok and come out with the decision. No matter what the decision will be, it's yours. Hopefully, it's the best decision.


LDR, regardless dalam Mesia je ke or luar Mesia..it's just the same. Cik Puan Fara, anda pasti setuju, kan. And ramai lagi people out there..boleh je survive. Untuk saya, kalau ditakdirkan ada anak time LDR ni. I promise to myself. I'd be strong enuff to handle things well. I'll able to take care of myself..If we were to have LDR for many-many years, I'll told my kids, their daddy was bizzy because of US. To make our life better. And for husband, I'll make sure he won't miss anything. He won't miss our child first smile, first steps, etc. The reason why I wrote this is because, we really want to live together coz we want to start having kids..so typical perception..susah nak conceive and start building a family when the couple stay apart. Fine..itu rahsia Allah.. Tugas kita sebagai hamba adalah doa, doa dan doa.



Luckily..the salary for new job is higher so I told him. It's OK. Go find some place for me if I want to visit him there. Means, carila umah sewa..like old flats pun tak pe..murah sikit..ada duit lebih boleh buat savings for many other things. I takmo dok hotel tak best. Asal pukul 12 je dah nak kene check out. Sangat tak bagus untuk kami yang feveretnye suke sambung tido lepas Subuh. Sometimes lagi 15min nak check out baru bangun. Tuh pun sebab pempuan operator tuh dah bizzy calling tanye nak check out ke nak tambah lagi sehari.


Hmm..All I can say. Allah Maha Kaya. Hanya Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya. *sigh*

Pix taken 3 years ago during our first blind date.

Since the day we first met, i love you more n more. Haha. Lately I asyik 'mengipas' husband je. You promised me many things..so saye mahu tuntut nanti.. :P

Hm..Now I had to start hunting for obat penyakit rindu.