Here again..

Assalamualaikum to all. 


I am so sorry I've been neglecting this blog for so long. So many things I want and wanted to share. But, too lazy to type -- lame excuses. It's Ramadan and Raya is just around the corner. So many things happened in my life, be it the good ones or the bad ones. Actually I dun't really know where to start. Like rite now, I feel it's time for me to update this blog coz one silent reader, an anonymous asked me why I didn't blog enimore. That question triggers me that sumone whom I didn't know, care for me. :) So i think it's time for me to show up and stop hiding myself behind this lappy.


New baby on board

As you all know.. We are expecting an adik for Kakak Delisha yang makin cheeky and banyak ragam.. I didn't shop a lot. Or.. not yet scattering my savings for newborn shopping. Barang Delisha banyak lagi.. Baju pun mana-mana yang boleh pakai, boleh recycle semula. You know what, baby shower liquid which I bought time shopping for Delisha pun ada lagi. Hmm.. rezeki anak setahun satu ni -- many things can be re-use and re-cycle. Not that we're not welcoming the baby, but it's the essence of great savings. Tinggal nak beli newborn suits, diapers and bedsheets. 



No more PJJ

No more long distance marriage that full of headaches and heartaches. We're living together, bangun pagi same-same, makan same-same..etc..and most important thing - jaga dan layan Delisha same-same. She's the most happiest person ever because she got her daddy most of the times. Or sumtimes she called A-bam, that is for Abang coz I called husband with 'Abang'. Nak tido pun cari ketiak daddy. Haish..



PhD journey

I will start my Phd this October. Hopefully cepatlah dapat approval Cuti Belajar. Nana will leave for Phd in US this first Raya. I never thought that when the moment to say goodbye came, it'd be the most heartbroken moment for me. Rasa macam dah bersedia nak cakap bubbye and takmo nanges.. Even a week before tu I dah start practice nanges kat rumah.. Perasaan yang sukar nak diterangkan. Hati rasa kosong. Patah hati. Tengah makan boleh nanges, tengah basuh pinggan nanges. Pendek kate, air mata ni tumpah di mana-mana. I'm gonna lost sumone who always be there for me. We are like twins. Pergi mana-mana pun melekat je. Since the first day I lapor diri kat UTM, almost 6 years ago, we never live separately. Buat Master sama-sama, sewa rumah sama-sama. Tidur sebantal, makan sepinggan.. Bra ngan underware pun kadang-kadang share. Lebih dari adik-beradik. No one can understand more.  I once thought, kalau I dah kawen (sebab I kawen dulu), things will change. But it's not. Disebabkan LDM, I always need her besides me. Especially time Delisha sakit or demam. Time Delisha meragam.. Nana yang reti nak layan. Delisha pun kalau ade Cik Nana die, terus lupe kat mummy. In my life, no one can be like her.

"Delisha berak ke? Mehla aku basuh."

"Ko pergila mandi, biar aku jaga Delisha kejap"

"Jom pergi Jusco. Bawang dah habes."  So pergi Jusco semata-mata nak beli bawang je. 


No more girl talks. No more gossips. FB and Skype tak same maaa. 


Okey, enuff. It's just 4 years. It's just US. 


Dari zaman mula kerja.. azam nak menggapai impian bersama tapi tak dapat nak buat macammane. I took TOEFL, GRE test, BTN untuk pengajian luar negara, technically nampak smooth flow. Beribu duit habes amik entrance exam. Penat pulun study nak dapat score TOEFL ngan GRE yang tinggi to make the application process much more easier. Hancur luluh hati first time berjauhan dengan Delisha mase pergi BTN.. rase nak demam sebab bengkak susu, untung my bloggermate Azian sanggup datang Akademi Kenegaraan bawakkan cooler bag untuk simpan susu.. Delisha pun demam rindu padahal 5 hari je berjauhan. Sedih yang tak terucap dengan kata-kata. Teringat masa kat BTN, semua participant adalah insan-insan yang punye misi dan cita-cita yang serupa. Berkobar-kobar semangat nak berjuang dapatkan segulung ijazah di tempat orang. 


But I just can't. I can't leave. Can't leave what I have rite now.  Sometimes I think I stucked in the middle of the road. No I dun't blame my marriage life, but the commitment, I have to let go my dreams. Why ohh why.. Dulu before kawen kate boleh.. sekarang kate tak boleh.. Dulu kate sanggup.. sekarang kate tak sanggup. Kalau nak jugak, pergi dengan izin tapi anak-anak tinggal. Rasa nak meroyan je walaupun belum bersalin. That's the saddest thing. Dan bila fikir je pasal tu, air mata ni macam keluar dari tangki bocor. A disappointment that can never be replaced. I can't describe. Tapi sebab sayang, redha juga ini bukan rezeki saye. Walau si dia promise nak ganti dengan bende lain, mungkin mustahil. 


Well.. life must go on. Nanti I update lagi.. with lots of Delisha's pix, of course. Thanx for your tender, love and care.. see ya :)