Talking Bout Love

Wut a borink day today. I do nothing. Time flies so fast..and hari pun dah petang. Well, to be true I took several hours reading someone's blog. Couldn't stop reading. Line by line. I dig all her archive. Hehe.


Few years back. I start exploring the world of blogs from a friend. At that moment, I do not have the guts to come out with my own blog. Futhermore, a close friend of mine said something like this when I showed her some of the blogs that I followed.


"Ish..takkan nak citer-citer mende camni kat orang???"



It's OK. No heart feelings. Maybe she's having this kinda thought. You want to have a blog as your life diaries. But why on earth should you reveal it to others? It supposed to be a SECRET. And a secret supposed to be left unsaid. Hm. It's OK. Siyesly sampai sekarang haku tak gitau die yang aku dah ada blog sendiri. Huhu. Takut kena laser lagik.



I start blogging cause there's one moment I had so many things in my head. I'm not quite sure whom I should turn to. I broke up with the person once I loved so much. At that time, I just finished my last paper for final exam. It's my final semester. That means, after this balik kampunglah. Tanam anggur sambil tunggu knvo, tunggu kerja jatuh dari langit. Hate it cause I'm far away from my besties. Yang tahu the whole storyline of that sucking love life.


Feels like a stupid. I can't share those kind of thing with my mum. In my family, I always try to be the one with super-keras-hati-punye-orang and can-do-enithing-except nuthing. Malu okeh nak citer kat my mum or nanges-nanges depan my dad konfem nanti my dad perli-perli or buat lawak. I know my dad will always try to cheer me up. My dad garang, tapi die suker buat lawak. Both of my parents know something wrong happened to me. But they buat tatau je. Cool je. Karang diorang bising-bising sibuk tanye itu-ini adanye aku terjun tingkap. Yang paling lawak tu my mom tiap hari tanye,


"Apsal tak makan? Ibu masak tak sedap ke?"


Padahal die tau anak die tak lalu makan sebab ape. Heh. Gilelah. Efek paling best ialah efek kurus.


Korang, kalau mahu cepat kurus sila lah feeling-feeling macam tengah frust sebab putus chenta.


But at that moment. Saye sendiri yang tak mahu dipulihkan dengan cara yg sebegitu. Konon nak preserve la the pain myself. Sah-sah lah hati saye jadik jeruk pekasam. Hamboi. Againnnnnn. Superwoman lah i. I always think saket putus chenta nih kawan-kawan je boleh paham.



Blogging ni best jugak kadang-kadang. Ehem. Whoever against 'blogging' mesti tak rase nikmat berblogging. Huahua. Time flies. Aku pun tatau ape motif entry nih. Actually, I read Diah's entry on 'Si Dia'.


Ok. Sambung balik citer. Last year mase gi umrah, kitorang lepak-lepak atas katil kat hotel sambil tunggu siap-siap nak jalan same-same gi Masjidilharam. Tetibe my dad ask me,


"Kakak, sebenarnye ape yg jadik ngan si ****** dulu tuh?"


I told him everything. At last. After three years. Baru ayah saye tanya saye directly apa yang jadik. That time, I already have him in my life. So I asked my dad. Sambil tersengih-sengih malu. *wink*


" Ayah doakan la akak ngan Joe panjang jodoh, kahwin cepat-cepat. "


" Bagi nama penuh die, ayah doa sekarang jugak."


So touching OK. Ayah saye sungguh cool. Die doa time tuh jugak. Atas katil. Siap sebut kuat-kuat. Hehe. Biaselah, my dad kan. He loves being sarcastic. Just want to share something from Diah's entry.


‘Jangan berdoa utk bertemu jodoh dgn org yg kita cinta.Tetapi berdoalah utk mencintai jodoh yg ditetapkan olehNya’.


To me, this saying is really true. Sebab masa broke up tuh, time sujud saye doa semoga die kembali pada saye. Tapi doa saye itu tak dimakbulkan pun. Kerana Allah Maha Mengetahui bukan orang itu yang saye akan benar-benar cinta like how I feel rite now. I've learnt the lesson.


Cinta pertama itu pengalaman.
Cinta kedua itu pengajaran.
Cinta ketiga adalah.............


Gosh. Saye tak ingat saye baca di blog siapa. I couldn't remember the words! Hehe. Sape tau sila tolong fill up the blank for me. Saye bercinta 3x je so enuffla kan. Hehe.


Susah nak jadi manusia perfecto. Kadang-kadang rasa malu dengan diri sendiri. Punyalah banyak baca buku or anything related to "How to survive in a relationship". Tapi bila something yang tak perfect tuh jadik, tak bleh nak cope with the thing ikut apa buku tu suggest. Damn it. Like yesterday. It was his burfday. Perhaps his last birthday as a bachelor. But I easily emotionally disturbed bila si dia lambat beli tiket wayang. End up with the heartless statements such as,


"Dahla. Malas nak tengok citer ni. Takde mood"

and

"Taknak makan. Dah kenyang." and, etc.


A perfect combo with that muncung itik serama.



Tapi si dia tetap beli tiket tuh. Movie tuh start at 4.20pm. Time kitorang masuk cinema tuh dah pukul 4.30pm tapi movie belum start pun. Tak rugi ape pun. Wahai hati, kenapelah tak boleh bersabar walau untuk beberapa minit???


It's just slipped from my mouth. Haihhhhh. Mulut sape nih???? For God sake it's his birthday. I tak bleh buat exemption pun! Patutnye saye kena nyanyi lagu besday untuk die. See, how bad I am. Kalau satu hari nanti masuk berita utama ade sorang makwe mati kena bunuh oleh boifren sendiri, you all tau lah knape. Padan muke pempuan tuuuuuuuuuuuu. Sebab mulut badan binasa. Bila si die bertukar jadik raksasa Gorgon kerana perangai yang hampeh ini baru tau takut. Tatau nak nyorok katne. Tapi die sungguh cool. Die marah kejap je and then bawak saye makan nasik lemak sedappppppp yang saye suke. So sekarang ni saye hutang die satu memori tak best di hari jadik die. So how? Wat should I do to make him forget?? Oh ye. Mungkin die akan sengaja lupe nak celebrate besday saye next year. :(



I've learnt the beauty of imperfection. Love someone for his imperfections, and you will be loved for your imperfections.



P/S: Sape tau doa untuk lembutkan hati sendiri?? Thanx!